Placed here by popular demand;
every time I remove them someone asks me where they went.
This sort of doggerel is astonishingly easy to write; I could rattle it off all day. (The illustrations, lousy though they are, took many times longer than the poems.) The problem is finding appropriate critters to write about.
Beastly Habits
Lemming. Ink/watercolor.
Concerning the Lemming
The lemming's really misperceived.
Not suicidal as believed,
He hurls himself from rocky top
Because he has no room to stop.
His only reason for migration
Is a rotten situation:
As lemming families multiply
They decimate the food supply.
The lemmings ponder long vacations
In grassy lands with better rations
And, since they think identically,
At once they all begin to flee.
With running lemmings front and back,
And no way to escape the pack,
If the lead lemmings make mistakes
There's no room to apply the brakes.
Alas, no land is far from water,
And shoreline soon becomes a slaughter,
As hordes of lemmings disappear.
There just might be a lesson here:
There's nothing wrong with imitation
Of good ideas upon occasion
But develop too close a connection
And you'll find it hard to change direction.
Mantis. (l) Ink. (r) Ink/colored pencil.
Concerning the Mantis
The preying mantis courtship rite
Is not unusual at first sight:
They meet, and in the course of dating
Find each other fascinating,
And, though their romance rapid blazes,
It passes through the usual phases,
Progressing in a normal fashion.
But later, in the throes of passion,
While writhing in their insect bed,
The female eats her boyfriend's head.
This act deters him not a whit -
In fact, it seems to help a bit.
Headless, he continues riding.
And, once the passion is subsiding,
She pulls his carcass off her back
And eats his torso as a snack.
Now for the moral of the story.
Romance is sometimes predatory.
When you proceed to court and date
Be careful of your choice of mate.
Don't just offer up your soul -
Be sure to keep the package whole
And watch for symptoms of disdain.
They may just want your heart - and brain.
Aardvark. Ink.
Concerning the Aardvark
Why does the aardvark look so weary?
Perhaps because it's necessary
For him incessantly to be
Protecting his identity.
The aardvark long ago began
To carve his own genetic plan
Which, in due order, left this plotter
Alone in Tubulidentata.
Alas, the lure of ant supply
Attracted several passers-by,
Who felt it was worthwhile to try it
And poached upon the aardvark's diet.
The aardvark's genus is his own.
He does not care to share the throne
With some wooly inbred squatter
Plundering from Edentata.
This mostly brings humiliation
For the poor aardvark (no relation)
Who, when in public, tends to be
Mislabelled taxonomically.
The moral is that a good name
Does not mean automatic fame.
No matter how you've worked to get it,
There'll be attempts to steal the credit.
Shrew. Ink/colored pencil.
Concerning the Shrew
The shrew is only inches long.
Its fur is dull; its musk is strong.
It takes a pair to make an ounce.
Its prey can hardly feel it pounce.
But they soon learn about the shrew,
Who does not stop until it's through
Killing, eating, barely chewing,
Not even leaving bones for viewing.
The shrew cuisine is quite eclectic.
Its temper tends toward apoplectic.
It eats whatever beast it spies,
Including creatures twice its size.
In defense of the warlike shrew,
It should be noted this is due
To metabolic urgency.
The shrew needs feeding constantly.
Many another tiny creature
Also has this standard feature -
But the hummingbird can just drink more.
Alas, the shrew's a carnivore.
The moral here? Well, I suppose
That in a perverse way it shows:
Most traits that we find aggravating
Are someone's way of compensating.
Concerning the Platypus
Platypus. Pencil.
The platypus, not fowl nor beast,
Is not distracted in the least
By rumors that he seems to be
A taxonomic oddity.
Although his parts appear mismatched,
And mammals typically aren't hatched,
The platypus is quite secure
In his ecologic sinecure.
Platypus. Ink.
The platypus, an Aussie bloke,
May look like a genetic joke
But he is emminently suited
For the terrain in which he's rooted.
His cheeks kept filled with various gravels,
He grinds his food (worms) as he travels.
His bill and claws fit the intent
Of any swimming, digging gent.
Platypus. Ink/colored pencil.
And his demeanor can't be faulted.
When his appearance is insulted
He simply smiles a knowing smile -
A sharp retort is not his style.
The moral is that confidence
Is frequently one's best defense.
Despite the japes, he perseveres.
And has for fifty million years.
Shrike. Ink/colored pencil.
Concerning the Shrike
Why, what a dapper little bird!
To fear this creature seems absurd,
And so perhaps the shrike is smart
To thus conceal a killer's heart.
The shrike has just a hook-tipped beak,
And an unthreatening physique,
Yet nonetheless will kill for food -
Or just because he's in the mood.
His prey may frequently outsize him,
And all the other birds despise him,
For, when along wings Mr. Shrike,
It's never clear whom he will strike.
He pecks and hooks and bludgeons prey,
Then slowly hauls his prize away,
And, by instinct to this manner born,
Hangs up the carcass on a thorn.
The shrike would not inspire such dread
If he only hunted to get fed,
But even with the shopping done,
The shrike's inclined to kill for fun.
The moral is thus simply stated:
"Innocuous" can mean "underrated" -
And bloodlust can have many guises.
Be on the watch for rude surprises.
Copyright © 1997. Do not distribute or reproduce.
