Stay Tuned/15 June 1997

From Eccentric Flower


stay tuned

15 June 1997
(Sunday Papers)

The fact that this was Father's Day didn't prevent me from finding good advertisements - the first holiday with any hype associated with it at all where this was the case. Contrast this to Mother's Day, where ads - especially grocery ads - came to a halt. There's a message in this, but I'm not sure what.

Proud To Be Fungus-Free

The first ad I saw today had a pair of bare legs belonging to someone female, ending in a pair of the nicest-looking, most immaculately groomed feet I have ever seen. At the top of the page, these words:

Fungus-free nails are a bare necessity.

And what were they selling? A drug. That's right, a drug you take - I mean actually ingest - to prevent toenail fungus.

The drug is called Lamisil (chemical: terbinafine hydrochloride) and it's made by those wacky Novartis people, and frankly, ladies and gents, if you were expecting another screed from me about useless ingestion of stray chemicals for no particular good reason, then you won't be disappointed.

Even if the drug actually has as few side effects and contraindications as they describe on the back of the ad, you will be rolling the dice to some small degree by taking it, especially if you take other medication. Why risk it at all? I mean, last I looked, the best way to cure foot fungus was to keep your feet clean and dry. If you had a really bad case, you went and bought some foot powder. Am I missing something here?

Ziploc Wars

Got an ad right here for the Hefty One-Zip, a new variety of ... I need to invent a generic here ... let's call them "zip-closure bags." Actually, this kind of closure has been around for a while; it's the kind with a little plastic slider which you run along the top edge of the bag. It's shown up in the school supply aisle a lot, on bags for holding pencils and such.

Hefty apparently wants a piece of Ziploc's, ahem, hefty market share. The ad says that if you send in any three valid coupons for Ziploc or Glad-Lock zip-closure bags (note clever use of generic), they'll send you a coupon good for a free package of their model.

Geez, some people will fight over anything. Makes me wonder if the real reason that Ziploc is trying all this tomfoolery with their zippers (see 1 June) is so they'll have something that differentiates them from the Glad-Lock bags, which use a similar closure.

I think I'll just go buy the house brand and save all the fuss.

For Reigning Cats and Dogs

Fancy Feast cat food never lets me down. Their peculiar combination of snob appeal and disgusting visuals always provides me with a good laugh.


Yes, indeed, and if I see any, I'll let you know.

Meanwhile, the people at Heinz, who make Reward dog food (I griped about them a short while back, but I may not have named the brand), are continuing to use guilt to sell their peculiar extruded strips of soy protein and meat by-products. (2009: See comment at end.) The latest copy reads:

"Treat your dog like a dog.
Or like one of the family."

I dunno, I think I can treat my dog like one of the family and still feed him regular old dog food. But thanks anyway.

McMore McMerchandise

Regular readers (actually, most of my readers are somewhat irregular) will recall that I have been following the progress of the "McMemories" line of dubious collectibles with McDonald's merchandising tie-ins. The latest is what purports to be an animation cel from "the animated film Ronald McDonald and the Adventure Machine." Did I miss this cinematic classic, or is McDonald's making it up out of the whole cloth? If you know, do tell me.

Meanwhile, not to be outdone, the people at Pepsi have allowed their brandage to be displayed on this lovely collector's plate.


The addition of the flag/Statue of Liberty motif allows this fine item to accomplish the hat trick of being simultaneously jingoistic, crass, and plug-ugly. Not bad for a plate.

I think that's it for today. I was going to mention this odd and deceptive mailing I got, but on reflection I think I have enough to say about that to make a separate article.

Oh, wait. I forgot about Fabio.

Poor dear, his butt must be sore after sitting on that Doric capital all this time. Or is it Ionic? Silly me, I never can tell. Oh, well, I'm not expected to know brainy things like that. I'll just go back to my romance novel and my squeeze bottle of fake-buttery grease now.


I suppose now you're going to insist I'm being petty.

Well, perhaps a little eentsy bit.

Hindsight: 23 February 2007

You have no idea how long it took me to find out that Heinz sold its North American pet food lines to Del Monte in 2003. All so I could update one dog food reference. That's why these pages take so long to re-edit.

The foot-fungus drug item came right on the heels (so to speak) of the side article I wrote about drugs, and the same person who elaborately took me to task for that one immediately wrote me to note that there are some varieties of foot fungus which don't respond to any of the normal preparations and nostrums (nostra?).

So I withdraw the gripe ... although personally I'd probably live with the foot fungus if my only solution was to take a pill for it. I think it's the idea of ingesting a substance to fix an external condition that rubs me the wrong way ... and yes, I know that's not entirely reasonable.

More Hindsight: 31 May 2009

Do you know, I have edited these pages multiple times since they were first written, and I have only just now noticed that the Reward dog food copy I griped about here and the copy I griped about on 18 May were the exact same item?

Apparently it annoyed me enough that I had to gripe about it twice!

and now back to our program

The material on these pages is copyright © 1997-2007. All rights reserved.

It is assumed that every brand name, slogan, corporate name, symbol, design element, et cetera mentioned in these articles is a protected/trademarked entity, the sole property of its owner(s), and acknowledgement of this status is implied. When advertising materials are excerpted here it is for express purposes of commentary and criticism, and thereby protected under the Fair Use provisions of U.S. copyright law.

Personal tools
eccentric flower