Eccentric Flower talk:201110/I Owe An Explanation

ProfRobert:

You know what I used to do when I felt like that? I'd come visit you and Nonelvis. Your home was an escape, a place (unlike pretty much everywhere else) where I never felt any pressure to be or do anything other than who I was or what I did (other than maybe try not to leave the bathroom a mess for you). If you think you've not improved anyone else's life through your existence, you are just plain wrong; you improved mine substantially.

Which leads me to my next point: Try helping others. I know you don't want to do 826 tutoring, so I won't push that. But find *something* where you're helping someone else, whether it's a teaching thing or a ladling soup thing or something. If you can't find any other purpose, "helping others" is a pretty good one.

Have you noticed the days are getting shorter? It's going to get Much Worse next Sunday. Do you have one of the bright light things? You might want to sit in front of one for 20 minutes a day.

As for therapists, I confess I've never explored the prostitution options, so maybe that would have gotten me to where I want to be faster than the 9 1/2 years I spent in therapy. We'll never know. OTOH, I was getting regular sex from non-commercial sources, whereas no one was offering to shrink me for free, so maybe I did get the best of both worlds, after all.

-- 14:58, 31 October 2011 (GMT)

Medley:

I don't buy one of your premises - namely the one about the value of the written word, at least in the long-term. We may (or may not) be in a valley as far as appreciation of longer-form writing goes at the moment. (Even that I'd argue is a debatable premise.) But I see no particular reason to believe that current trends (assuming they are toward less appreciation) will continue in the long-term.

I'm not necessarily optimistic, mind you, but the ubiquity of text is a relatively recent phenomenon in the grand scheme of things. Who knows what attitudes will be like in 20 years, much less 50 or 100. So if your concern is about leaving a mark, I wonder what timeframe you're thinking of? And why does the percentage in terms of the general population matter at all?

Everything changes - there will be dark ages again, but there'll probably be another renaissance, too. Except for rock carvings, plain text has about as good a chance of persisting as anything else. Impact emerges in strange and mysterious ways, sometimes. Who knows?

Oh - I am sympathetic to existential angst and have my share about the meaning of it all and wondering what's the point - but we who have borne witness to the explosion of the Internet and the information revolution (I use the term guardedly, but do think there's something to it) should be especially mindful of how quickly things can change. What's appreciated today might not be tomorrow, and vice versa.

-- 15:33, 31 October 2011 (GMT)

Bunny42:

I have trouble grasping why it matters, to me or to anyone else, if I leave a mark in the world. If one or two people remember me fondly, then fine, I had some sort of purpose, although I frankly don't need one. You see it as a pointless existence, I see it as a comfortable one. I stopped questioning the whys when I was about 17 and have never looked back. I keep busy and fairly content. My life is apparently much easier than yours. That's not bad or good, it just... is.

Of late, I've felt I'm coasting, that one day things will smooth out and I'll have all the time I want to entertain myself, be it sewing or crafting or planting things, whatever. Life overwhelms me sometimes, to the point that I can't get anything done. Did I tell you I got a freaking pacemaker, about a month ago?? Talk about overwhelming. But, see, the way I look at it, one day I'll be here, next day I won't, and then I won't know or care what effect my life had on the world. It's the curse of the cockeyed optimist. Happiness, however you can attain it, is everything. Mine's relatively easy to find.

I've learned I have far more affinity toward "dealing" with old folks than I ever thought I did, by my daily sorties to my mom's nursing home. I know many of the residents by name and have no trouble at all talking to them and/or helping them with little problems (the staff don't want outsiders to do a lot, too much insurance liability if anything goes wrong). I wish I could relate to children the way I've taken to the elderly. What Robert says is true: it's very satisfying on a human level to help other people somehow. Maybe you could find some, I dunno, satisfaction or something by volunteering somewhere.

-- 01:32, 1 November 2011 (GMT)

Mrissa:

I don't have a specific thing to push here, but I agree with Robert and Bunny42: you seem to be spinning your wheels on finding an entirely internal purpose. Try helping someone else.

-- 18:05, 2 November 2011 (GMT)

Ursula:

I understand feeling lost and hopeless. Absolutely. But while I've heard you say plenty about feeling like that, and I've heard you dismiss various suggestions for things you could try to feel better, I haven't heard you say much about what you actually ARE trying to do to be happier.

If you're unhappy, you have to try new things, you have to keep thinking of ways to try and improve your situation. Just distracting yourself isn't enough. That's not going to help at all in the long run. You have to stay active, and try to steer your life back on course.

All my life, I never understood what self-pity was. I knew it was bad, but I couldn't grasp why it was such a sin to feel bad if your life sucked. But recently I heard self-pity defined as hating your life but not doing anything to change it. If that's really what it is, then I'm sorry, but I think you've become trapped in self-pity. I think you are sitting on a metric fuck-ton of talent, and you don't HAVE to die in obscurity. You're choosing that path.

I have made huge mistakes in my life, but perhaps my greatest regret is being too complacent. I've lost years of my life as a freelance writer, draining my creative energies and going broke doing it. I am currently going nuts trying to make a new and better life for myself, and even if my new life sucks butt so far, at least I'll go down fighting. Pardon the cliche, but the fight's not lost until you stop fighting. You deserve better than this shit. So go kick some ass... Starting with your own, if need be!

(Meant with all the affection in the world, and sorry if it came out as way more bitchy than I intended.)

-- 09:59, 20 November 2011 (GMT)

Ursula:

Nothin'. I have no idea if you ever even saw my comment. Oh, well.

I could have phrased it better. I didn't mean to suggest that I now have life all figured out and you need to follow my example. My point was that I've been stuck in the kind of defeatist thinking you describe, and I now recognize that the only way I'll ever improve my situation is to take action of some kind. Just being sad only leads to more sadness.

Well, I won't be offering advice again. I hope you figure out some way to be happier. Wishing you the best.

-- 01:15, 28 November 2011 (GMT)