Eccentric Flower talk:200909/Todays Anger

Bunny42:

Re: #7-- If you're sure it would do absolutely no good anyway, then shaddup and let it go. On the other hand, if you think this friend might actually heed your advice, and, despite no longer having you for a friend, would benefit from the confrontation, then go for it. It obviously bugs you enough that you'd consider paying the price.

(Note: If I happened to be that friend, I think I'd want to know. Should it be something so egregiously embarrassing or humiliating that I wouldn't want to speak to you again, I'm pretty sure I'd still wanna know. It must be something fairly significant or you wouldn't be pondering mentioning it in the first place, so how could I lose? That's one person's opinion, FWIW.)

-- 23:05, 24 September 2009 (BST)

Iain:

Seeing this and having it congeal with the thoughts I didn't write over the weekend about drawing vs. writing, and not in a pleasant way.

In what way? (I assume you meant "Things" as a whole, and not a particular post. Somehow, I doubt you were feeling the urge to say something about either the Rapture or naked pubes.) (I never know how to refer to "Things". Knave calls it "a webcomic without much art", but it's really only barely a comic. It's closer to a play without stage directions -- but oddly, with reaction markers. Also, wish I'd thought of it.)

Also, regarding #7 ... what Bunny said.

-- 00:22, 25 September 2009 (BST)

Platypus:

I don't know; I think actually saying things you know the recipient won't take well is overrated. The person probably either knows it already, in which case telling them will not be enlightening, or doesn't care, in which case it will do no good anyway. Maybe I'm wrong and there are people who are unaware that their spouse is toxic or their butt is fat or they could really use a therapist, and would change if only they knew. Maybe I'm really hypersensitive about unsolicited criticism (well, I know I am). But I think the window of things worth bringing up, and people worth bringing them up to, is pretty narrow. If you don't want to be the person's friend anymore, I'd be in favor of drifting off rather than forcing an explosion, but that's also just my preferred method of interacting, period.

-- 00:59, 25 September 2009 (BST)

Mel:

I'll just say what everybody's thinking: it's me, isn't it?

-- 02:52, 25 September 2009 (BST)

Jette:

Just because Chip doesn't like the Muppets or "Bull Durham" ... sheesh ...

-- 15:48, 25 September 2009 (BST)

Columbina:

Now now. For all you know it could be someone who isn't even on the user list here.

I realized there was a risk of speculation and I didn't intend that to dominate. But I don't think anyone should dwell on it. I called the entry what I did for a reason. It's now a brand new day, the weather is back to something appropriately fall-ish, and I'm no longer angry.

Here's an essay question, though: Have you ever been in that position? Of having something you really, really want to say to someone, to the point where it hangs over any of your interactions with them, but being afraid to say it because 1) their reaction won't be pleasant and/or 2) because you don't think it will do any good?

It could be anything from "I can't look you in the eye as long as you're still with your abusive spouse" to "You know, it wouldn't hurt your social life to bathe more often."

-- 16:15, 25 September 2009 (BST)

Danima:

Hasn't everyone? Ugh, now you've got me making a mental list.

-- 18:32, 25 September 2009 (BST)

Bunny42:

I try to mostly avoid saying anything, because the topic is usually subjective, and it's only my opinion I'd be proffering. And maybe I'd be wrong, for any number of reasons, and also, hey, maybe it's none of my business.

There's quite a difference between "don't eat that, it's spoiled!" and "you should probably leave your abusive spouse." The person most likely won't leave, just because I say they should, and will get all defensive and protective of said spouse, and what would I have accomplished. Luckily, I've found that if I know someone well enough to tell them they have BO, they probably don't. I would have been gone long before I got to know them that well. One of the reasons we got well-acquainted was that I tend to stay out of their personal lives.

Now that I reread your question, no, I've never had an actual situation like that. Minor stuff, but nothing that would be a deal breaker. I have very few close friends, and maybe that's why...

-- 19:22, 25 September 2009 (BST)

ProfRobert:

I've experienced (horribly) a related situation, where I say something, the person doesn't stop being my friend, but doesn't stop the behavior, either. There, I've walked out of the person's life. I'm incapable of biting my tongue for very long, but I also know I can't fix or change people because "it merely annoys the pig." So I get out of their lives and wish them the best.

-- 21:11, 25 September 2009 (BST)

Yarnivore:

Hiya -- I sent you some email, even though I know you don't check it very often. Have a looksee if you're able. Cheers.

-- 02:17, 28 September 2009 (BST)