Eccentric Flower:200002/That Mood

I owe everyone an apology.

There. Now save it. Store it up. Because even if you don't think I owe you an apology, you'll need it at some point in the future. I guarantee it. Hell, you might need it before the end of this entry.

I have been in That Mood all day long. I don't know why. I never know why. It just happens and then the damage is done and I have to sweep up the debris.

Maybe it starts because the paranoid part of my brain tells me that everyone's already annoyed with me for various things so it can't possibly hurt to stir up some more trouble.

Maybe it starts because I've slept poorly and felt vaguely maladjusted ever since waking up.

Maybe it starts because I have a mild headache I'm not even consciously aware of. Or maybe I've been indoors in front of the computer for too many days in a row and I'm restless. Or maybe my feet still hurt from the high heels I was wearing this weekend. I don't know!

But I do know that when I get in That Mood I tend to tell people exactly what I think is wrong - with them, with the world, with everyone. I lash out. I pick fights. And sometimes I can't repair the damage later.

This really started last night. "Braille" is not a story. It is an outpouring of raw anger. Largely unjustified anger maybe; anger which might not even really be directed at its target. Who knows what I'm really angry about?

Who knows why I chose tonight in particular to take the habits of a few annoying people and generalize them to an entire demographic and thereby piss poor Patrick off for the second time in a week?

Who knows why I suddenly want to write poor Karen a nasty note fussing at her for something which is a very sensitive subject right now and thereby rubbing salt in the wound?

Who knows why all of the mouth organ items today were even more nasty and irritable than usual? Who knows why I wanted to slap two of the regular message board posters silly?

I sure don't.

I hate That Mood. And what I hate most about That Mood is that I don't know how to make it go away.

All I can say is: While it'll be difficult, please try as hard as you can not to take my venom personally. It's not you. All I've gotten from my Ardent Readers in the last two days has been praise and congratulations - on the photos, on my successful cross-dressing events, on "Braille" - nothing but encouragement.

Hey, maybe that's why I'm in That Mood. After all, I already know I'm the kind of person who takes a rebuke more gracefully than a compliment. Maybe if everyone starts being really nasty to me, I'll snap out of it.

No, no, that won't work. After all, I've spent the evening having arguments with some of the people I've picked fights with today, and that just made things worse.

Maybe I just need to crawl into a hole for a while.