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Earrings and eye avoidance
I have never been so productive while being unproductive. I haven't been writing, and even the journal entries are being neglected. I feel guilty about that. On the other hand, I'm getting a fair amount of pay work done, I've made some dandy revisions to Sfoglio and other crucial parts of my web sites, I've been getting out in the nice weather. Oh, and I made earrings.
Yesterday afternoon I went and bought a bunch of pewterlike gewgaws, the kind of things you'd put on a charm bracelet. I also bought a bunch of French hooks, a pair of roundtip pliers, and presto - with a few minutes' work, instant earrings.
I have one pair that is a rocket for one ear and a ringed planet for the other; a pair that's a fork and a spoon; a pair that's two coffee cups; two udjat eyes; and two fat happy whales with hinged mouths. Nonelvis wants the whales. I told her she could borrow them, but she wants her own whales. She'll have to go to Beadworks and buy them.
Then I bought CDs: The Donnas, who are exactly what the Ramones would sound like if they were four eighteen-year-old girls, the latest Squirrel Nut Zippers album that I hadn't bought yet ... and a Supertramp greatest hits album, just to confuse the salesclerk.
Then I went to the local coffee and sandwich place that just opened in our neighborhood (it's run by two lesbians and they decided to call it the Diesel Cafe - cute. Instead of French doors, it has a garage door :) and Nonelvis met me and we had sandwiches for dinner.
A lovely evening. No writing done, mind you. Well, on Monday night I wrote 2000 words for Scarlet Letters for their July issue, so I can't claim I've been completely worthless.
And mentioning the Scarlet Letters piece brings me back to the earrings again.
The piece is about making transgender modifications to my appearance ... why do it, what I get out of it, et cetera. The earrings and the hairbands and so forth, and also crossdressing for sexual reasons (which I've basically stopped doing) and other such complications.
But with specific reference to the earrings: Earrings are the cheapest mood-improver I've found. Coffee doesn't always work; it may wake me up, but it doesn't make me more cheerful. Earrings do. Maybe their novelty will wear off eventually, but for now, I'm relishing it.
Dangly earrings with French hooks also improve my posture, oddly enough. It took me a while to figure it out; I just noticed that I was holding my shoulders better when I wore them. It's because I'm a little worried that if I walk too vigorously or slouch too much, they'll try to come out of my ears. So I tend to keep my head up and my shoulders back ... and also walk more carefully, take my time about what I'm doing. It's the equivalent of the old poise exercise of walking around with a book on one's head ... and frankly, the effects are welcome.
Here's the other odd thing I've noticed. When I'm wearing earrings (sunglasses, as have been amply documented in these pages, produce the same effect), I am fearless. I am willing to make eye contact. You can always tell how confident I am in public by how willing I am to make eye contact. Not make it and hold it - that could be construed as something you don't mean - but just meeting people's glances in an aware fashion, as opposed to staring at the floor or the ceiling all the time.
And you know what? If everyone else uses the same rule that I do, then there are a lot of people who aren't very confident about themselves. Because I've learned that people get nervous when you make eye contact with them.
Okay, some of it may be the 6'4" freak with the hairband and the earrings. I admit I can be intimidating, especially since I often don't smile even when I'm in a great mood. But even when I do smile - even when I do my best to look harmless - my glance seems to make people nervous. I only had three people return the Innocuous Friendly Smile in the last couple of days.
So either people are fundamentally unfriendly or they're fundamentally unsure of themselves. Either way, that kinda stinks, doesn't it? We should all get together and fix that. Life's too short for this nonsense.
Say, remind me that I wrote this the next time I'm feeling ugly and underconfident, all right? :)
© Columbine
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Every jumbled pile of person has a thinking part that wonders what the part that isn't thinking isn't thinking of.
- They Might Be Giants
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