Eccentric Flower:199906/Double your standards double your fun

From Eccentric Flower

«June 1999 «Eccentric Flower

All the journal links in this item are dead, as far as I know.
I'm actually surprised at how much I like those photos now, ten years later.
Maybe it's just because I'm ten years older, and so they look remarkably fresh-faced to me.
Still want a magic stubble removal filter though.

P.S. I did not delete photos 1 and 2 after the fact; they were never there. The entry below is exactly as first posted.
I don't have those photos anymore, so I can't tell how appalling they actually were.

Double your standards, double your fun

So ... reading about Patrick's personality quirks has made me acutely aware that I share some of those. Ergo, it's time to talk about The Oldest Established Permanent Double Standard in America.

I do not like accepting compliments. I rarely believe them, because I think that humans deal each other a lot of insincere politenesses all day long which collectively have a diminishing effect. I also have a lousy self-image, which means I generally don't believe anything good you say about me.

On the other hand, when I like something about someone I am perfectly willing to tell them so generously, particularly if I think they need bolstering, and my compliments are no less sincere for being effusive.

I do not believe in asking my friends to do favors for me unless I am honestly convinced that those favors will not be a chore for them. Since the sincerity issue (see above) means that I don't think I'll get an honest "no" from them if they don't want to do it, this happens rarely.

On the other hand, I am generally willing to do favors for my friends when they ask, and sometimes I'm even flattered. And I say no when I need to say no.

I hate needing emotional support from other people. I feel guilty when I tell other people my problems (the journal doesn't count).

I do not think less of other people just because they happen to need emotional support from me. I am happy to listen to other people's problems - even if I feel unhappy because I can't offer any concrete help. Sometimes I'm even flattered, since I also don't see myself as the kind of person someone would confide in.

I have no faith in my work, except for my writing.

I get very annoyed at people who have no faith in their work.

In short: my standards are nothing if not double, and in general I cut myself a lot less slack than anyone else. Which is sometimes a very efficient working method - to be completely fair - but is also hell on interpersonal relations.

And now, let's try some of these rules in a tangible example, just to see how they all tangle together:

I don't believe I can get an honest critique of my manuscripts from any of my friends, because every time I show material to them, the usual reaction is, "I like it, where's more?" (One exception: I usually get what I feel are honest crits from Mme. S ... by which I mean, I don't think she's scared to say negative things.)

Yes, I think I'm a good writer - the problem actually isn't that I can't accept praise, not in this case. When a crit comes back with no negative comments, or comes back with "It was well-done but didn't do anything for me" ... both of these are perfectly valid responses and I can't question them, but they are not useful to me in trying to make the MS better. You see?

On the other hand, there are two friends I do believe would take the time to look at a manuscript of mine and really do it justice, give it a full markup and throw red ink where red ink is due ... but I won't do it because I don't feel like I should impose on them for the amount of time and effort that will take.

Whee!

It pains me that the most efficient behaviors for being a writer are sometimes the least efficient behaviors for being a human.

But - I am still of Good Cheer at the moment, positively ebullient in fact, and the dissection above should not in any way be taken as an indicator of my mood. I can self-analyze without getting upset by it, thank heavens.

It pains me to see people like Jette get unhappy every time they try to take apart their lives ... although, in this excellent entry, she seems to have actually had some fun with it for a change.

Just to prove that I am not actually in a dark mood, I will induce giggling on the reader's part, by providing a few QuickCam photos I took this evening as an emetic.

QuickCam photos, as you know, are the most unflattering images in the known world. If your face has a feature you dislike, you can bet it will be magnified 5x in the final results. Nonetheless, we were doing ruthless self-examination, were we not? Actually this crop is pretty good for five minutes' work. I just need to shave every three hours or get facial electrolysis, that's all.

1. and 2. Nope, sorry, even in a spirit of disclosure, there are some pixels which just don't deserve to live.

3. Me doing my Ginkgo impression. No, just kidding. That rare thing:
A photo of me with my glasses on.

4.
An impassive close-up. This is actually the desirable facial expression for serious photos, to me. Yes, it's dull, but pictures of me smiling are fit to stop timepieces. My life has been spent fighting photographers who wanted me to smile. Usually I compromise with this crooked closed-mouth grin that looks even worse.

5.
Those Dylan sunglasses I was writing about the other day. My hair's being funky, as usual, but that only seems to enhance the effect.

6.
This'd actually make a really good Columbine photo if I only had a magic Remove Stubble filter for my image program.

7.
I can't believe I'm doing this.