Eccentric Flower:199905/one real one frivolous
From Eccentric Flower
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may twenty-second one real, one frivolous Well, I am officially at low ebb again. If you were to see me in person, that wouldn't mean much - I'd just look like I was staring off into space a lot. I'm not much of a smiler even when I'm cheerful, so you wouldn't see me look any grumpier - only more preoccupied. I may be about to lose a friend, and if I do, it will be because I have willfully burnt that bridge ... but I will have done so for what I believe are sound reasons. Unfortunately I can't work it out by typing words here, the way I work out many of my problems. I have said several times that I don't understand it when journallers write in public, but then put up a disclaimer that says, "If you're ___, I don't want you reading this." It doesn't work that way. Public is public. You can't choose your readers. If you want to do that, keep it private. I still believe that, and I still won't put up a disclaimer that says "Don't read this if you're ...." But now I understand why people would want to. I am deprived of a medium. I can't vent here because the wrong people read it; it's wrong of me to vent it to my friends (I've already spoken about how much I hate bending other peoples' ears with my troubles); Nonelvis is already involved; and I am not going to bring it up with the person directly concerned ... not when one of my problems is that I no longer know how much information I want to give him. About anything. So it'll just simmer inside me with no exit until I either reconcile or destroy all hope of reconciliation. - - - Despite this, I haven't had a bad weekend, because of my remarkable capacity to stop thinking about the things that worry me and let something else fill my head for a time. I love my ability to shift into Frivolous without warning. Since the topic above defies my own statements about how I don't want to discuss Real Things for a while, I will make that shift now. The other day, I was discussing movies online and I got to wondering: Suppose I listed all the movies I had basically committed to memory - the ones I've seen so often that I can pull out huge chunks of dialogue at the drop of a hat. Does this say anything? I mean, clearly it's a standard of personal tastes, if a somewhat cockeyed one. You could even argue that this list might be my all-time favorites - since you have to really like something if your brain is willing to store that much of it, right? I kinda hope not. Because, let me tell you, this is a weird list of movies I've compiled. These are the movies I could basically recite back to you. I'm probably missing a few; this is just off the top of my head. The Rocky Horror Picture Show OK, we might be able to exempt Rocky Horror, which was more of a social phenomenon for me - I memorized it because I saw it every weekend, but mostly I was there because that was the first real group of friends I had and it was the only place I could go to get positive reinforcement about my sexiness or likability. (Yes, yes, draw whatever conclusions you like.) But I have never considered it a good movie - it's a badly flawed adaptation of a really good satirical stage musical, one that somehow manages to slow down the pace by fifty percent and rob it of all its joy. Sorta like the filmed version of A Chorus Line, where they cut all the choreography sequences off at the dancer's knees: What were they thinking? Anyway, given the rest of the list ... and putting aside the obvious conclusion that I like movies with transgender themes (I mean, duh) ... what other conclusions can be reached from this short list? I can't think of a one. Except that I'm a weirdo. - - - There you go. Vis-a-vis the postcards of the last couple of days, I offer you one "real" topic and one "frivolous" topic. You decide which one you like better. I already have.
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