Eccentric Flower:199905/no illusions
From Eccentric Flower
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may tenth no illusions I thought the previous postcard was going to be the weekend's sign-off, and was all prepared to tie up my ICQ conversation with Jette and go have my milk and cookies ... but I was still halfway through an email exchange with Kymm about my having a gravelly, nasty telephone voice ... a comment that she completely disregarded. This line of thought ended with her saying: No, it's true! You're always so down on yourself that I just ignore it when you say that you're unattractive or have an ugly voice or whatever because I think that you're just being yourself again! I'm certain that people think the same thing about me when I talk about how ugly I am, too. I replied: Kymm. I have seen your photos - both the glamour photo that is the centerpiece of your main logo, and the "glasses" photos which I assume have been taken more recently. I also assume that most of those photos are several years old at best. I have seen many, many less pretty people than you. Are you a fashion model? No. Will you be a Page 3 Girl for the Daily Mirror anytime soon? No. Big damned deal. Most of us go through life looking rather imperfect and many of us manage to do well for ourselves despite it. I am not altogether bad looking - for a man. I have a few feature faults I would really rather not have - a cleft in the middle of my nose, a sunken chest, et cetera. But the problem is that I don't want to look like a man, and I'm not sure I ever did. My problem is not beauty. I would rather be a plain or even an ugly woman than a moderately cute man. You are not ugly. You might be plain. Would you care to trade bodies? I would, you know, in an instant. I do not have a gravelly voice. I do have a bass voice. It's a little flat, like my nose is perpetually clogged (it often is), but there are worse voices. It is, however, in no way a female voice. And therefore it sounds worse to me than it is. There. I think that's enough relentless honesty for one night, don't you? - - - I got her permission to quote all this. Not because I want to embarrass her, obviously ... but to answer a number of similar comments I've gotten. If you all have to suffer my self-abuse, you should at least be clear on the way matters really stand - and why I will never be happy with what I've got. It's not that I have illusions about my appearance. I know what I look like. It's just that it's not actually me.
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