Eccentric Flower:199902/winter continues unabated

two february (barely)

winter continues unabated

Anyone who tells you that writers aren't necessarily self-centered is lying. Self-centeredness is the important characteristic of a writer. Imagination and ability are optional.

I am not especially neurotic - except when it comes to my writing.

I am not prone to depression - except when it comes to my writing.

I'm looping again - no one will say anything about my stories so no one must be reading them so i was crazy to expect comments from the web after all people have lives and they've got better things to do than provide you with unpaid critiques why don't you go join a crit ring because i don't want to crit other people's stories i don't have time but i need to know about my stories so i can make them better and no one will say anything and i want them where people can see them but on the web they'll get stolen so what you weren't going to publish those anyway yes but i recycle everything then take them off the web but if i do that no one will see them who cares they're not looking at them anyway - and it's all I can do right now to not scream so loud I wake up Nonelvis, to take my glass and throw it right through the fucking center of my brand new monitor and run out into the snow barefoot and curl up in it and sob until my tears freeze onto my face.

I hate you all.

I hate myself.

I hate writing.

I hate not writing.

And it doesn't matter that this, too, shall pass, not right now. Sometimes perspective doesn't help.

And while I'm looping, I'm not writing. Writing is healthier than looping, but unless something happens to what I write, I'll just end up looping again.

I want praise. I want harshness. I want completion. I want solace. I want a good night's sleep. I will get none of these.

Welcome to Groundhog Day. I have seen my shadow. Someone bring R.D.Laing back from the dead.

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