Eccentric Flower:199902/truth and nails

five february (almost immediately thereafter)

truth and nails

I got a lot of mail today about my fingernails, of all things. I didn't really expect anyone to comment on my exuberant little outcry ... not that I'm not pleased, I'm just surprised. I thought fingernails were below radar.

It was reassuring, in an odd way, to hear from women who said they could never put on fingernail polish without making a mess of it. I had assumed it was some skill that came automatically with an X chromosome. I suppose I do it decently, but I cheated. I studied Judy, Nonelvis' sister, who is the Queen of Nail Polish (I think she puts on a new color every two days or something). And from Judy I learned the following:

1. Don't hurry.
2. Have a cotton swab or a makeup applicator to dip in the acetone, so you can clean up around the edges of your nails when you goof. Wait until the polish is dry.
3. Don't hurry.
4. Wipe the brush as you pull it from the bottle to avoid drips.
5. Did I mention not to hurry?

It's true what Rhonda notes - all these women with immaculate nails must either have manicurists or lots of spare time.

Perhaps even more interesting is the other comment she made:

It seems so strange that you seem to think of polishing your nails as this tremendously radical act. I guess it sort of goes with what Dan Savage said in one of his commentaries - that straight men look at other men all the time as though there's nothing to it, but that gay men look at other men in a furtive way because they're afraid they'll be caught looking. I know straight non-transgender guys who polish their nails all the time, but I guess because the stakes aren't so high they don't really think of it.

Well, first off, I don't think it's tremendously radical. It's a very small thing that happens to make a lot of difference to me. Remember, I'm the one who changes personality when I put on sunglasses.

Second, for once Savage is wrong. In my experience - and I've actually spent a little time looking into this, for other writing - straight men will seldom make prolonged eye contact with other men, whereas gay men scope out other men like nobody's business. They don't like to get "busted" at it, as my friend Marc says, but they do it non-stop.

Third, I know some straight guys who paint their nails. With the possible exception of Dan Lyke, who sent me a nice email of nail polish solidarity and whom I shall therefore draw no conclusions about, they are all either:

1. Hackers
2. Hippies, current or ex- (any label)
3. Goths
4. Adolescents (usually overlapping 3)
5. Art students
6. Penn Jillette

You know ... weird people. And if you add flamboyant gay men, drag queens, and TGs to that list, you have all the men who color their nails, with no appreciable decline in overall weirdness level.

Once I started ruminating down that path, though, I realized something new about myself. Something important. Thanks, Rhonda!

I don't necessarily mind being in one of the subcultures I've mentally tagged as "weird." Got that? I don't mind being weird. In fact, I usually rather like being weird. Normal people are boring.

What I do mind - and what I go out of my way to avoid - is getting looks of anger or disgust or hatred from the normals. Getting bad vibes from people because I don't conform. I hate that. I'm scared of it, in fact.

And if the other weird people see I'm weird, they may assume that it's an endorsement or solidarity of some kind - not a good idea, because I don't usually fit in with them either. (That's the "I'm not a Fan, I just read the stuff" discussion again, in disguise.)

So it's kind of like saying: I want to be weird, but I don't want anyone to notice that I am. I only want to be weird for myself. And maybe a few friends.

I know, I know, I'm hopelessly schizo ... but at least now you understand why, when I think my fingernails are so pretty, I was nonetheless delighted that no one else noticed them.

Stealth weirdness.

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