Eccentric Flower:199901/it doesnt take much

five january (one)

it doesn't take much

I was only able to be depressed for about fifteen minutes last night. As soon as I got outdoors, and the cold weather found me, and I walked with my coffee and steaming breath rising from my face, watching the people in their greatcoats scurrying around ....

I am easily entertained. Just being outdoors entertains me. Being in bed, letting my mind drift, entertains me. The flip side of being easily entertained is being easily bored. I hate being bored. If I am bored, I will invent something to do, even if that involves making someone else's life difficult for a while.

I like emotions. I even like the bad emotions, if they're strong ones. I like joy and crying jags alike. I like anger and envy and all the other addictive ones, but try not to indulge very often. I like being in a snit. I like being a clown to try to get someone out of a snit.

But I don't like depression, because depression isn't an active emotion; it's a passive do-nothing kind of emotion. I cannot mope for more than five minutes. It's too boring.

I don't take depression (in other people) as seriously as I should. The Economist did an article on depression recently, and they say a lot of other people do this too - that depression has a long way to go before it is taken as seriously as it deserves to be.

However, they also point out that modern culture seems to treat any low moods as unacceptable, that even such normal emotions as pain and grief are given short shrift. People aren't allowed mourning anymore, for instance. They have to be happy happy happy all the time. It's a Prozac world. I don't mourn, as a rule (grief is boring too) but I certainly can understand having nasty unsocial periods where people stop to work out emotional problems inside their heads. I do that all the time.

Maybe if other people were given the liberty to do the same, there'd be less depression.

Meanwhile I realized yesterday that, as a whole, I enjoy just being alive - a philosophy I am reluctant to state, since it sounds unbearably treacly. You know, a little too Lucinda Matlock.

(That is your Official Obscure Reference for this week. First person to identify it correctly gets my best awed reaction.)

In fact, I think I've stumbled upon a really good system. The only thing that worries me is that, if I enjoy life this much, I'm going to have some real problems dealing with mortality later ....

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