Eccentric Flower:199811/the void reply
From Eccentric Flower
«November 1998 «Eccentric Flower
 |
twenty eleven eighteen the void reply I used to never never give advice to anyone, and I was cursed for being uninvolved. Now I give advice on occasion, and very often the giving of the advice causes more trouble than it's worth. I think I'll just be uninvolved again. When I give you advice it doesn't mean I think you're a fool, it doesn't mean I'm callous, it doesn't mean I'm angry. It just means I'm giving you advice. You're always free to ignore it. It may well be BAD advice. Who knows? I don't do sympathy well. Empty noises of sympathy do not strike me as a useful response for either party. If I give you advice - if I even try to give you advice - it means I'm sympathetic. It means I'm willing to be involved. It means that your problem either concerns me or itches me or both. If I wasn't interested in your problem, I wouldn't say a damned thing about it. This is a part of the "boy side" of my brain I've never attempted to overcome because it seems like the useful, sensible way to go. But I'm concluding that some people don't WANT the advice. They just want me to stand around and make tut-tut noises while they sort their own heads out. Well, I can understand the idea of a sympathetic ear. I'll be happy to listen. I am always happy to listen. But if you don't want advice, say so in advance, so I can remember to not reply. This goes back to a conversation I had with an old friend about why I didn't reply to her emails. I said, "I love getting your emails. I enjoy your emails immensely. But I never reply to them because I never have anything in particular to say in return." She said, "I just want some reply that indicates you're there and you got it and read it. Even if all you do is SAY 'I don't have anything to say in reply to that,' it's better than nothing." Well, I still don't understand it. You get real information in return, or you get silence. I do not play the game of social pleasantries. I know, I know, I'd make a lousy Southern belle. I'll go crawl back into my hole now.
© columbine |
