Eccentric Flower:199810/save time write your own

eighteen october ninety eight four p m

save time - write your own

It's nice having Sunday afternoons free do do other things, but I admit I miss Stay Tuned a little.

To answer the various mails I've gotten about it, the main reason for not doing Stay Tuned anymore was not really the elitism accusations, as much as they hurt ... nor the fact that the time it ate from my Sundays was becoming time I'd rather spend on other things. The real problem was that I'd said all I had to say.

I mean, think about it. The distilled version:

1. Advertisers will say anything to get your money. They have no ethics and little taste.
2. Advertisers think we're all stupid sheep.
3. Sometimes, through apathy or ignorance, we reinforce that impression.

There. You have now read every Stay Tuned column ever written. Except for the humor, of course. And the humor is the only part I miss.

How many times can you repeat the same message? I don't think I made a dent in anyone's purchasing habits with my ranting and raving - and mine got worse because of it - I found myself buying schlock I normally wouldn't want my dollars to encourage, because "it'll make a great column."

- - -

Here I have three items Nonelvis pulled from circulars, all in the same weekend. They've been sitting on my desk, amusing me and providing bewilderment value.

One is an ad for Kellogg's Breakfast Mates, a box with a wee container of cereal, an aseptic box of milk, and a spoon.

(Since sterile-pack milk doesn't require cold storage, it puzzles me that the boxes are "in the refrigerated section" of your grocery - then again, I was always puzzled at the stores which put Parmalat milk (same thing) in the cold case. Isn't that the point, that you don't have to refrigerate it until you open it? Maybe they're worried no one would be able to find it.)

The second is an ad for Campbell's Ready To Serve tomato soup. It comes in a big plastic bottle, and is not a concentrate - you just pour it and heat it.

The third is Dragone Lasagna Made Easy. This is a big tub of ricotta cheese, just like their regular ricotta, except that herbs and other types of (hard powdered) cheeses are mixed into it.

Now, take these three ... "time-saving" products which actually save little or no time ... and write your own Stay Tuned around them.

The columns are still out there, in your ad circulars and newspapers and televisions and magazines. You don't need me to write them. You just need to look.

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